Why You've Got To Check Out Today's Episode:
Tweetable Takeaways from this Episode:
“Communication in the family is quite important. Because you know your
partner, if they don't understand what you're going through, there's a recipe for divorce. If communication doesn't get through, then the kids suffer, you suffer, and then your business suffers."
Kathi Burns 0:04
Hi there, I'm board certified professional organizer Kathi Burns. I'm really glad you're here. This podcast is designed for busy entrepreneurs just like you who want to take better control of your business and move forward with less stress and more success. If this is your first time listening then thanks for coming. The Organized Energized podcast is produced for your enjoyment and show notes are found at ThePodcast@OrganizedandEnergized.com. Come back often and feel free to add this podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes. You can also follow me on Twitter at organized energy and Facebook. All links are in the show notes. Now let's get into the show. Hi everyone this is Kathi, I'm back with Pascale Dubé. After spending more than 20 years exploring, dissecting and improving the way in which people communicate and understand each other, that skills developed a very personal approach and coaching leadership has kills the founder of parent lead coaching, which helps parents communicate more effectively with their teenagers and with these new skills or clients are able to become the leader that their teenagers really need. So hi, Pascale, thanks so much for being on the show.
Pascale Dubé 1:15
Hello, Kathi. Thanks for having me.
Kathi Burns 1:17
Absolutely. Have you seen warm up there in Quebec, I understand it is negative 20 degrees right now what we're recording.
Pascale Dubé 1:25
By the time this airs, I hope spring will have sprung but now it's really really cold.
Kathi Burns 1:31
I hope so too. Geez, Elise. Okay, so talk to me a little bit about your journey. What do you what did you do before becoming a coach for parents?
Pascale Dubé 1:40
Yeah, I've had a very weird professional life. I've done like dozens of things worked in different industries, I have an MBA. And basically, what drove me towards entrepreneurship was I found that the workplace was just toxic all over every industry I've done, every places I went, there were always some communications issues. And I felt like, Okay, if I am to change something in life and find fulfillment in my work, why not use one of my most talent, one of the talents that I've got, which is be the mediator, make people understand each other, kind of be the translator between people who have different points of views. I'm really good at that. And I've been like that, like my whole life, we could discuss my personal story. But I changed towards entrepreneurship after a toxic work environment where I worked for a narcissist. And I was like, Okay, no, that's, that's just enough. And so I started coaching leaders, as my my first business endeavor. And I've been working leaders and business owners for four years, and then COVID hit. And like pretty much everybody, I guess, I had to reassess what my values were in what real impact I wanted to have on the world. And I saw all of those friends of mine, really struggling with their families, you know, the teenager was at home. And there were tensions building and a lot of tensions that were really unnecessary. But that came from anxiety, and really communications problems. So looking back on my own story, and how I was, I was brought up in my own family and one of the best things I ever did was being a camp supervisor for teenagers, I loved that job. And I decided, okay, you know what, I really get teenagers, I can, I can make a difference for families who are struggling right now. And I decided to switch market and audience I was working in French in Montreal, decided to open my services internationally and work in English and try to help as many families as I could.
Kathi Burns 4:03
Boy, it's really needed right now, too. And it's funny, we talk about toxic corporate relationships and toxic environments. What I always say all the time when I know, the biggest challenges are lack of communication. One department doesn't communicate with the other people are doing things that nobody else knows what they're doing. There's no communication and tensions arise. And then it turns into, who blamed her who, CYA thing, because we don't care about them. We're just going to cover our stuff, and then again, no communication. So having a skill set to mediate is huge. And I really commend you for going into the environment of parents with kids because right now it is it's hard as you know, it definitely is hard. And you're the perfect person, especially if you love camping, he loves talking to teenagers. You can talk there, there talk to the parents and try to get them to understand more.
Pascale Dubé 5:03
I just tell them, I maybe I've never grown up, I don't know. But I really just get them, I get them really easily. I know what they're struggling with, I know what they've been through. And again, it comes from my personal story. I've started journaling at age 10. And I have that like this protocol of my teenage years, where I was struggling with issues with my family. And I still have this as a chronicle of my teenage years. And not that I was really traumatized, because it's not the case. But still, I think by writing things down, it made me really become aware of what I was going through and be able to understand. As I grew up, what kind of skill set I was putting in place, what learnings and what growth, I was actually going through, as I as I came into adulthood, and came into my own, and I really just I get them, and what they're facing today is harder than when I was growing up. And it's harder than when their parents is growing up. So we have to have empathy for that too, because they are struggling with things that we don't even know what the impact will be in the future. And that's why I think parents are super important to guide them through this stuff.
Kathi Burns 6:21
Yeah, absolutely. And they need the guidance. But oftentimes, the parents are so overwhelmed that they don't even know what guidance they're supposed to be giving to anybody. Right?
Pascale Dubé 6:32
Yeah. And they're struggling with their own with their own things. I mean, parents, they haven't hard. And you know, you're serving an entrepreneur, audience. And it's also where I'm heading parents, entrepreneurs who have with teenagers, because I feel like they're high achievers. And they're working a lot. And sometimes we forget that while we're building our legacy, and we do that for our kids, we kind of forget that, you know, you have to make sure that the people who were with you in the same boat, your family is also sacrificing for this legacy. And you have to acknowledge it.
Kathi Burns 7:09
Yeah, the fact that you that you journaled all through your teenage years, and that you're able to pull back onto it, I think is pretty interesting. A lot of people journal but then they don't go back to use it as actually in their profession. So I think that's pretty freakin awesome, actually. So tell me Pascale, when you get depleted and you lose your energy, what do you do as an entrepreneur to revamp and revitalize yourself?
Pascale Dubé 7:33
I do read a lot, I consume a lot of podcasts too. I'm always in a growth mindset or are in a growth orientation. I like to improve my skill, I like to learn new things. And to me listening to the content while I go take a walk outside, I'm a big proponent of getting sun during the day, during the day, the nature as much as I can, I combine that with something that makes me grow, and that makes my brain work. But in a non stressful environment, if you will, I feel I learned better that way. And you don't you don't always have to be on on, on on on all the time. And to me just being passively receiving information is relaxing. It's kind of a meditative thing that I'm doing. Sometimes I don't even bring my phone or, or anything, and I just sit in the sun. I also brief I take time during the day where I just stopped doing what I do when I feel overwhelmed, for instance, and I I just round myself and I I breathe. Breathing techniques are very important to stay grounded. And it also helps with not only just not only the stress, but just changing or switch switch switching state can actually bring about the answer that you're struggling to find. To change your state sometimes for your brain to unlock the key that you needed. When you stay in your stress or in your overwhelm or in your anger or whatever negative state you're in. When you are focusing on this. Your brain can no longer process anything. And switching state is a very big deal.
Kathi Burns 9:22
Yeah, switching state is huge. Being outside is huge. The sun is huge. I'm a big proponent for breath work, I do Wim Hof breath work for all the time. And not only does it decrease your stress, it helps your immune system so we can all as much as we can breathe deeply and learn how to breathe properly, we will boost our immune system, which as we know is kind of important right now during this crazy time.
Pascale Dubé 9:46
For sure you're laughing when I said breath work and breathing. It's like okay, yeah, she gets it.
Kathi Burns 9:53
I do Wim all the time. So I don't know if you're familiar with Wim Hof.
Pascale Dubé 9:57
Kathi Burns 9:58
Yeah, the Iceman The crazy Iceman that boy it, you know, it's a meditation too. So it does all those things it revitalizes you. It lets you meditate. It also brings you health and I Yeah, we like the Ice Man. Now I don't do ice baths. Well, my husband does. I'm fact I bought him an ice bath for his birthday, or for our anniversary last year crazily enough. I'm not jumping in there. But all you have to do is go outside and you have your instant ice bath going on.
Pascale Dubé 10:27
So yeah, there you go. This was actually something that I told myself for 2022. Okay, start Ice baths. In April. It's pointless. Just go outside without a coat. And you're good.
Kathi Burns 10:41
Exactly. You don't even have to do anything. But good for you. I'm not doing it. But you know, I'm cold all the time anyhow. So I don't need all that. But the breath work. I'm a big, big, huge fan of for sure. So okay, so what do you so the best hack is definitely to just chill out. And why actually, do you have a different hack that you use if you want entrepreneurs to create more freedom?
Pascale Dubé 11:06
Yeah, I kind of glossed over it a little earlier, when I said that, I think for entrepreneurs to create more freedom, and to really build something from the ground up. That's what we do as entrepreneurs, you have to remember that you don't have to be alone. I know that most of the intrapreneurs that I work with, and the people that I know, we have this kind of pride, or this kind of preconceived notion that you know, an entrepreneur is kind of a lone wolf. And you know, the courage and the drive that's required to build something, you know, it has to come from within and that's to me is probably one of the biggest mistake any entrepreneur can do is to rely on themselves only, and forget that they are surrounded by people who can help who want to help. And sometimes we have to step on our pride and ask for help. And if you want to have a thriving business, fix your home life.
Kathi Burns 12:15
Yeah, I always say your home environment is adapt as a direct reflection of what happens with you when you're working as well. Even if you don't work from home, that just because it's always in your mind, I have some clients that don't even want to go home after work. Who worked in corporate because their home is in shambles? And then where do they get replenished? They don't get replenished, they don't get revitalized. Same thing with I totally agree with surround yourself with other people that are entrepreneurs as well, because we all have the same challenges. And we've all come up with the beauty of it is we've all come up with different ways and different solutions for the same challenges. And one thing might spark that little thing, oh, I can totally implement that and so we are each other's support system. And I totally agree, we need to rely on each other. We're not the lone wolf, we're not, you can't actually you can't be hugely successful without the help of other people just isn't possible.
Pascale Dubé 13:14
No one No one goes anywhere alone. I mean, at least we don't go far. I mean, or you don't go a long time, like you said, you can't replenish. And even if you you know, I, I understand it, if your family members are not intrapreneurs, they may not understand what you're going through. But they do love you and they do get you, they may not get the business side of it, they may not get like the whole responsibility that you're into. That is aside from the family responsibilities. If you don't take time to explain that to them, they will never get it. So that's another thing. So communications in the family is quite important. Because you know your partner, if they don't understand what you're going through, there's a recipe for divorce. Because I mean, if communications don't doesn't get through, and then the kids suffer, and then you suffer and then your business suffers. We don't live on an island by ourselves when we're building that business. And if you can just have the sheer weight of this business that you're trying to build of your dreams if you can use leadership skills, to take those people you love into your dream and into this business and really delegate or trust them to do the right thing for you and for the whole family. And you don't isolate yourself or then success will come more easily because then the weight of this thing will be on much many more shoulders and you'll feel more stable and when you go home at night. You're going to have your haven and you can breathe and you're going to be surrounded with love instead of reproach or, you know?
Kathi Burns 15:04
Yeah, because most family members who are not entrepreneurs don't get it. I mean, I remember my 96 year old father always thought that I was a cleaning person. And I'm like, no doubt, I'm a professional organizer. I don't clean houses. And finally, he understood it. And when he understood it, it was just like a big for me. I'm like, Oh, he knows what I do. Now when I wrote my first book, and I talked him about about him in the book, and then he got it. And he was like, Okay, now Now I understand this. So it's so important for family members to understand each other. So what you do is just huge. So okay, one lesson that your business has taught you, what would you say would be your big lesson as an entrepreneur?
Pascale Dubé 15:47
Oh, God, I think being an entrepreneur in itself is just like, it's the never ending learning curve. It's the biggest thing you can do in your life to actually grow and learn and improve yourself. Pride, you don't have time or place for pride when you're an entrepreneur, I think, if you do that you're not playing the right game. And what it taught me, especially in the past year, because I've switched, as I said, audience and markets in the past year, and finding a tribe, for me was huge. As you know, we met through JV ology and finding, like minded entrapreneurs. Even people that are in the same industry you are, and serve the same in audience you are, I mean, you don't have to be like, competition all the time, on on on. There's the right coach for every type of people. And if they're not my audience, referring to another person, for me, is just good. What I want to do is serve. And so it shifted my mindset as an entrepreneur to learn that Co Op co petition, like cooperation with competition can be very, very useful. You learn from each other, but you have to put aside the pride and asking for help, again, is very important. Because would you would you rather have progress, ask for help and have progress? Or would you like to stay stuck forever. And sometimes we cannot find a solution by ourselves. As much as we try. We need external input, or output. Sorry, English is not my first language. You need You need people to help you with those things. And there are things that been that people have been through the same thing you have. And if you don't reach out to them, they cannot provide the help that they're willing to provide for you. And just newsflash. People want to help.
Kathi Burns 18:02
They do they do they love to help. They love to help. Yeah, that's it set aside your pride. That's a really good lesson. You know, I interview with a lot of other organizers on this podcast, because we all have something new and different to say, and there's, there's no one way to do anything, and there's enough business for everybody. And don't be in fear about that. So Okay, how about an organizing obstacle? What organizing obstacles have you had in your life or in your business?
Pascale Dubé 18:36
Right now, a big thing is organizing my email and find it yeah, my emails and all my digital, you know, stuff that I that I yeah, that I have, I need to organize all this stuff, just to see it more clearly. And where I'm at, in my business, because things have been like exploding. And I really need to take time in that. And also, of course, you know, I'm not a financial person getting this in order. So I don't have to, you know, delegate this stuff as well, because I'm not an expert. I do have an MBA, but I'm not a financial person. I'm more of a communications specialist. And so, yeah, finance, and I guess, all of my digital emails, even files on my computer, I need help with that, probably. Or any time, I have to sit down and do it, I guess. And since I've switched market and industry, there are some things that I can use or reused and things that I can just discard. And we have this huge thing on the internet. I mean, we've got content all over the place. Now, you know, things that you put out there, put out there but now they're just figuring out what to put where And what to say, Where is something that?.Yeah, I probably should address that in the coming year.
Kathi Burns 20:08
Well, that you can do as well, because you are a communication specialist. So if you, if you treat yourself like you were to your client, you can probably figure that part out pretty good. But we're gonna be digital files is a big deal. It's like, how are you going to organize it? What's the protocol that you're going to use, and it really comes down to each client and how you think about things and how you're going to organize things.
Pascale Dubé 20:29
Yeah, coaching is very, it's very tailored to the needs of the of the client as well. But you don't want to work for nothing. So you learn with every, every client of God, you learn new things. And you have to put those somewhere just to make sure that you can just look at them, if you encounter some the same kind of issue, just something like a memory and a clearer way to get this, these learnings and and these things organized in order for you to be able to look at them in a more efficient way. Especially if I get if I get more clients. I have to be more organized and more structured in my way to to assess and address all of those things.
Kathi Burns 21:18
Yeah, yeah. The more the more organized you are, the more clients you can put into your system to for sure.
Pascale Dubé 21:26
And the more people I can help, which is the whole deal.
Kathi Burns 21:30
That's right. That's what we want to do, again, is help, right, that's what we're on made. The biggest thrill in life is helping other people. It's not fill in the pocket with money necessarily is, that's always good. But the more people you help, the more money you fill. So okay, so what's your best advice for entrepreneurs, we've already kind of covered those who want to create more freedom in their life, what would you say?
Pascale Dubé 21:55
Yeah, as I said, try to find people who can help you with the things that you don't want to do. That is a big deal. And make it a habit to treat yourself with some me time. So that you can recharge. And this is a decision, it's, it's you cannot give what you don't have, you cannot pour from an empty vase. And if you don't make the conscious decision, to refill yourself energy wise, and to come home in a state, that will make sure your relationships stay healthy, and that communication is flowing and that there is not anger or resentment. Lingering. Because we're all humans, sometimes when there's pain, we don't want to look at it, we don't want to address it, we just want to you know, not feel the pain and we avoid it. But when it comes to your kids, you cannot deflect, you can surrender, you cannot run away, you cannot avoid a relationship and you can't paint over the issues or act as if there aren't any issue because it's your kid, there's no way for you to just run away. And just remind yourself that when you when you feel pain, or when there's something that's painful, it's also an opportunity for you to grow. There's there's a potential for healing and growth right there. And just switch perhaps, the way you come to your relationships. Pain is not a bad thing. Pain is a sign. And you have to pay attention to the signs. And it requires courage to address those issues and address those situations. But the more you wait, are, the more you avoid those the harder is going to be to to heal and to make things right. So get help. Call me I guess.
Kathi Burns 23:57
You don't have freedom. Even you can't have freedom. If there's this niggling thing on the back of your shoulder of an unspoken word or a bad badly spoken word or misunderstood communication. It's just there is just a monkey on your back. And you're not free at all to actually have really brilliant ideas or a good discourse because there's that thing right there.
Pascale Dubé 24:21
You don't sleep well. I mean, sleep is basically you want to be healthy sleep well. And anything that prevents you from sleeping well, such as lingering issues that are just in the back of your mind. You're not going to sleep well and everything will go to do everything. wayside.
Kathi Burns 24:41
Yeah, I find more and more of my clients do not sleep well. It's really it's been for the past three years. I've been doing this 18 years. The past three years. It's been a really big thing where my clients are saying, I did not sleep last night or I could not sleep I only sleep three hours. I'm like, really like I'm a power sleeper. I'm a nine girl but it's amazing to me just in the past. Actually, I don't even think it was since COVID I think it was before COVID people were telling me that and it's again the monkey on the back and worries and concerns and worries about things falling through the cracks, because they don't have that organizational element within their life, that they're just always worried that something's gonna some hammer is gonna fall somewhere.
Pascale Dubé 25:26
I know, you know, chaos in your environment. That's what you that's, that's the pain you solve. Chaos in your environment, causes chaos in your mind. And it's the same thing. Chaos in your mind creates chaos in your environment. And in your relationships. It's those things speaks to each other.
Kathi Burns 25:43
Yeah, and chaos in your communication. Yeah, causes chaos in your mind back to that. So yeah, we are simpatico about this. I just love the way you think. Haha. Okay, so you're going to give the audience something and I understand that you have offered free time on a phone call with you, that's like huge. So all you have to do is go to the email. And you'll also have a free tip sheet or free frequently asked questions that people can download as well.
Pascale Dubé 26:13
Actually, it's called the 10 Golden Rules of communicating with your teenagers.
Kathi Burns 26:19
Yay, everybody needs that. I can I can use that as a 10 Golden Rules probably to communicate with my husband just as easily.
Pascale Dubé 26:28
It's the same thing. I mean, communications, you know, the skills you will learn from this and the skills you will learn from, you know, perhaps working with me, or from the clarity call that I'm offering those skills you can apply in any relationship in your life. Yeah, and your relationship humans or humans are like small adults. Or like in between, but those skills can can be adapted anywhere.
Kathi Burns 26:53
Excellent. Excellent. Okay, so our last question is what should have I asked you, Pascale that I did not?
Pascale Dubé 27:03
Well, it goes back to the key to a great life. And studies have shown that the key to great life, are you the quality of your relationships. And I think that families are under attack. There are strained right now. And families forever. So if you really want to have a great life, fixing your family will probably the best investment you will make in your whole life. I remember that growing up, you know, I had a lot of resentment from from my parents. And it took me years to address those things. But when I finally finally did, and when I finally forgot, but not forgot, forgiven my parents. It was a huge relief for me and for them, because there was this this unspoken pain that was just there all the time. And but it took me years, and it had to come from me. Because my parents are not equipped to deal with it. And I'm especially good at that thing. And it took me years. So don't let it just be something that you don't address. Family is the strongest bond you will have your kids will be there for you when you grow old. Just make sure that the memories they have of you and the lessons they learned from you are the right ones.
Kathi Burns 28:32
Yeah, that's a good point. I know, on a healing journey that, that my husband had with his father, there's been a big, big windy road, right. But half the things he he talked to his father about his father was unaware of. Oh the parents are unaware of a lot of harm and hurt that they do unintended on it.
Pascale Dubé 28:55
Oh, I always say to all my clients, I've never met a parent who doesn't try their best with what they have.
Kathi Burns 29:03
Yes, but the skills that they have, they do the best that they can at the present moment.
Pascale Dubé 29:09
Yes, exactly. That doesn't mean that they cannot improve.
Kathi Burns 29:13
Yeah, doesn't mean that it's good. It just means just where they are. Right. Yeah.
Pascale Dubé 29:17
I always meet them where they're at with no judgment. Because I know I mean, parenting, hardest job there is.
Kathi Burns 29:27
Well, I so appreciate you spending time today with me. And I know that everyone can benefit from downloading this this the free golden rules all download it and use it for myself for all the other people that I have to talk to. I'm there and and also, to actually have a free a free call with you is a huge, huge present. So thank you so much for offering that.
Pascale Dubé 29:52
Thank you very much and I'm looking forward to speaking with the people who are listening. Thank you for taking the time to have me over and yeah, have a good end of COVID Let's hope it ends someday. Yes. Take care of yourself.
Kathi Burns 30:09
Yeah. Thank you, Pascale. You've been you've been brilliant. I appreciate your communication ability. We've had fun. Hearts to you, baby. Let's Let's breathe. We will think of you next time I'm breathing in Wim. Take care
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