Why You've Got To Check Out Today's Episode:
[00:00:00] Kathi Burns: Hi there. I'm board certified professional organizer Kathi Burns. I'm really glad you're here. This podcast is designed for busy entrepreneurs just like you, who wanna take better control of your business and move forward with less stress and more success. If this is your first time listening, then thanks for coming.
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Now, let's get into the show.
Hi everyone, this is Kathi and we are back this week with Emmy Fortin. I am very excited about this because we're gonna talk about assessing your relationships so that you can be organized and energized. Look, Emmy Fortin is a breakup coach and she helps women and men recover from ended or toxic relationships, even if you're not heartbroken from a busted relationship.
I'm sure you've had a few toxic relationships. So we're gonna jump into it and we're gonna figure out how to rebound and recover at the end of a bad breakup. So let's get going. Hi everyone. I am so happy you're here today. I have an incredible guest. Her name is Emmy Fortin, and we're gonna talk about breaking up and healing up and making life better after we go through some type of wacky, not so great relationship.
So thanks Emmy for being on the show.
[00:01:40] Emmi Fortin: Yes. Thank you so much, Kathi. I'm happy to talk about how we can organize and energize in this space.
[00:01:46] Kathi Burns: I love it. And when people go through breakups, the last thing they feel like is becoming energized or organized, but as we were talking about before the show, it's really important to get your stuff together before you face any type of breakup.
But to start let's backtrack here a minute and let's talk about you Emmy, and why you're doing what you're doing. And let's hear a little bit of the backstory about your breakup, coach Mastery.
[00:02:07] Emmi Fortin: Yes, thanks. So mine is a juicy story actually. It's based in my own experience in this on and off relationship, which I refer to as a situation chip.
I'm sure that a lot of your listeners will be very familiar with this kind of relationship. There's like very cloudy expectations. Are you together, are you not? , don't really know what's going on. So anyway, I was involved in this relationship for six years, so that means I was going through repeated breakups with the same person for six years.
And you might think once you've gone through it a few times, it might easier, right? But it actually was the opposite. It was getting harder and harder because all of these breakups were really wearing on my own self-worth, my self-view, my confidence. And so I really noticed a downward spiral in other areas of my life and how I felt about myself because of this recurring kind of toxic cycle that I was keeping myself in.
Yeah, I actually ended up writing an entire memoir about that relationship because it had such an impact on my life. It's called Who is Your Red Dress? And it's one woman's quest to break up with a love addiction. And so that's the toxic cycle that I'm talking about. So that's really where this all started, prompted me to wanna help other people who felt like they were in this situation where they were really stuck.
And it really seems like this dark tunnel that has no end. So I knew I wanted to help them. I didn't know how at the time, but this is what it has evolved into.
[00:03:40] Kathi Burns: I love that. And I'm, the title is awesome. So who is your red dress? Yeah, I like it. Who? Congratulations. Yeah. Who who not what, right?
We all have that. We all have that special, someone that we want to really stand show up for. And I know that you are in yours. It was a love relationship, I think for entrepreneurs. It could be business relationships, it could be a partner that you really want to partner with on a promotion.
But, really delving into, and I'm sure your book covers this, who are they and why is it that you strive so hard to show up? Do you think that you show up as yourself, or you show up as what the person wants to be? What's your background on that?
[00:04:21] Emmi Fortin: I think there is a whole bunch of reasons why people could end up staying in relationships that maybe not be the best for them.
And I actually used this kind of thought process about my previous job as well. I was a high school biology teacher for 16 years. And I really enjoyed it for the majority, but towards the end, I had my own relationship experience that was impacting me. And so I felt this pull to really want to do something different and to leave.
And I started to view it as I need to break up with my job, and it's a huge choice. It's a huge life transition. It's jumping into the unknown. And so I absolutely agree that we can think about break, in any life transition. Even when people's like kids go off to college, you're like breaking up with a certain lifestyle, right?
If you move homes. So yeah, for sure. Breaking up is something that is extends farther than just romantic partnerships.
[00:05:21] Kathi Burns: I didn't realize you had been a teacher. So which breakup came first? Did you quit your job or did you quit your guy first?
[00:05:28] Emmi Fortin: Quit the guy.
[00:05:30] Kathi Burns: Okay. That helped to quit your job, didn't it?
[00:05:33] Emmi Fortin: Yeah. And that's what, so the journey I bring people through in my memoir is that whole sticky relationship. But what it does bring, if you do all of the inner work all the hard work is it brings clarity. And what I help my clients with is I help them reconnect with themselves. And that helps you really have an understanding of what is my deeper purpose here?
What do I find meaning in? How do I find connection with people? And so for me, in that time of my life, which was a few years ago, I decided, you know what? It's time for me to make new connections and make new impact, in a different.
[00:06:15] Kathi Burns: Claim your power. And I think that when we are on purpose, we're in power.
But whenever we have all these things like a bad relationship or just a system that's broken you can't really claim your power. I always call it being stuck in the mucker stuff cuz you're stuck and you can't really see your way through. Therefore you can't even know what your purpose is.
For me, it took me 40 years to figure out my purpose, right? Because I was just busy. And I know that it sounds like you went through a very similar thing. So talk to me about how you transitioned. What did you do to make that transition? Because, being a full-time school teacher is the big jump to becoming an entrepreneur. I'm sure it was a little bit scary, but h how did that progress for you? What happened?
[00:06:57] Emmi Fortin: Yeah, it was very scary. And it continues to be an exploration and an adventure as I figure things out. But me, like I said, it was mostly just this deep calling and inner feeling of wanting desperately to connect with other people who had felt that similar kind of suffering, to show them a light so that they can help themselves too.
But more importantly, I wanted people to feel very supported and connected in what their experiences were because I know I felt very alone. Even though, breaking up is like probably one of the most common things that all human beings, experience in their lifetime and you feel like it's just happening to you and it's so overwhelming.
But it, the reality is that there's a lot of people that you can connect with to help you. Even when you read a book, for example, like mine, I'm sharing my story openly and vulnerably. That's someone extending like a branch to you to connect with this story. How does it resonate? And to answer your question of how did I transition?
I just knew I wanted to create those kind of connections so badly that I wanted to just go in a new path with this. And so in addition to being a breakup coach in a 12 week program, in a group program, I also have a breakup support group. And so there people can come and they can share their stories.
And I can't tell you how many people reach out to me and say just being in the group and hearing other people talk about their experiences makes me feel so much. Yeah, that to me feels great.
[00:08:35] Kathi Burns: Excellent job. You know that's what you are as a way shower, and a light shower that yes shine the light on these situations that everybody has.
It's the same reason that I'm doing the podcast. Everybody feels like they're so isolated. When we're out there being entrepreneurs, we do feel isolated and we could be up against something. Then we think, no other people are up against it, but I have no idea how they got out of it. And that's why I'm dedicating this show to doing that.
And so my question is, I keep thinking to myself, did you quit during summer? Did you plan on and launch during summer and then give yourself another year? Or what'd you do about that when you launched your new business?
[00:09:12] Emmi Fortin: So what happened was actually I had decided to just, to launch into it and just jump and learn as I went right before Covid.
in my case, it actually worked to my advantage because I had a lot of extra time at home to just start learning. Entrepreneurship is so different from there's a lot of overlap actually with teaching especially coaching. However, with marketing and, just learning about entrepreneurship in general learning how to network all the things.
That was a big learning curve. Technology. Oh my gosh. Technology was like my nemesis. And so I started like hardcore just diving in and learning all of that pretty much during the first covid year. So that did give me a little bit of extra time by myself.
[00:09:56] Kathi Burns: That worked out way to your advantage. That's amazing. So during Covid, you were probably Zoom teaching.
[00:10:03] Emmi Fortin: Yeah, we were zoom teaching. In the beginning, like a lot of it was new, right? Like this new style of teaching. Nobody really knew what was going on. People, we were all trying to figure out how are we going to, continue to teach and have a curriculum that's virtual.
So at that time it wasn't as structured as it came to be in the second year. There was more time for me to work on that.
[00:10:24] Kathi Burns: What a huge blessing. That's a wonderful thing. I know COVID has been really tragedy for a lot of people and also serendipity for other people.
So what do you think, now that you're an entrepreneur, you've been out here and doing it what's the one lesson that you think that you've learned throughout this, what's the one big Oh yeah. Aha. Moment.
[00:10:42] Emmi Fortin: Kathi, it's relationships. And I know that probably sounds cliche coming from a breakup and relationship coach, but I will say that it is twofold, my relationship with myself and my relationship with other people.
When I was a teacher, I pretty much stayed in my room all the time, just like I get all my work done. I didn't spend a whole lot of time like reaching out to other people in the building. Entrepreneurship is the complete opposite, right? I had to totally learn about myself enough to be able to step out of my comfort zone, start reaching out to people, having these conversations, so I learned a real lot about myself and how I communicate with other people. How strong I really can be and how resilient. And it's opened a lot of doors in my own mind as to exploring who I am, what brings me joy how I can use my skills and talents to help other people. And it's really been a blessing to be able to grow because I knew towards the end of my teaching that I was ready and wanting to grow. And this, I never would've guessed that this would be the way if you had asked me when I was younger. But yeah, this writing the book and starting the business has been like exponential personal growth, which I hope to share with the people that I help.
[00:12:07] Kathi Burns: Absolutely love that. So what do you feel has been your what's the best success that you've or I should say, what's the thing that's brought you the biggest amount of joy since you've launched?
[00:12:18] Emmi Fortin: Hands down when I get feedback or testimonial. Cause I always send out a completion survey at the end of my 12 week coaching program called Wake Up From Your Breakup.
Cuz I want people to get like slapped across the face and know this is an opportunity for you to learn from your experiences. Yeah. And Yeah, no, when I can read someone's honest, sincere feedback about how, learning certain strategies and thinking about things in a different way has allowed them to just approach their life in a completely different way.
To have someone tell you I actually had one client who felt so much more confidence and a sense of self-worth. She got like a huge tattoo of how strong she was. It's like a quote about strengths. On her body. How impactful is that, someone's really gotta believe it to, to tattoo it on your body is huge.
[00:13:09] Kathi Burns: Absolutely. So how do you celebrate your success? For me this year is all about celebration because I've determined that I don't celebrate it enough for my own successes and milestones. How do you, what do you do to celebrate when you get to that point where you're like, yeah.
[00:13:25] Emmi Fortin: That's a fantastic question because I think I need to do it more.
I really do. Right now. , it's like a very sad party. It's oh, good job Emmi. Read the testimonial again. Like really let it sink in, process it. But I think I do need more celebration of my successes. I really agree with you on that.
[00:13:44] Kathi Burns: Yeah. It's what do you do when you released your book? Did you stop and celebrate? Because I did not and that's why I'm in this big celebration for the year thing.
[00:13:53] Emmi Fortin: Yeah, I love that. I was glossing over it in the beginning. When I forced myself to take a pause and to just revel in the enormity of the project that I just completed. And if I dare say, had the bravery and courage to release, because that it is a lot of personal details, it's very spicy, yeah. And so for me to put all of that out, I think was a very huge accomplishment, so I had to pause and acknowledge that in myself. But Kathi I'm curious to know what are some of the things that you do to celebrate?
[00:14:24] Kathi Burns: I acknowledge you for that. Thank you. I really do. It's a, to do, like a memoir is really a thing, right? It's your heart you're giving your heart out. For me, celebration is stopping and actually going out and doing something. I love to have Sunday fun days. I love to have fun days in general for me to get out and actually do something that's breaking the pattern.
For me, celebration is doing something that I've never done before. So whether it's go to a new park, go to eat a new food see a new thing that's what celebration is for me, because I love new stuff. So anytime that I can embrace something new, I feel like I'm celebrating, and getting out and about and actually acknowledging.
Yesterday I did a quick little Facebook video just saying, I'm here celebrating that I did my 50th podcast episode. Yay. Stopping to do that because before last year I wouldn't have even thought about, oh yeah, I did 50 way or whatever. And it just, no, I think we need to stop and really savor what we've done in our accomplishments. So thanks for asking.
[00:15:28] Emmi Fortin: Oh my gosh, I love that. I think I'm gonna actually start implementing that in my own life, cuz I love doing new things too. So I think that will make me feel very energized actually. Yeah. After any accomplishment.
[00:15:39] Kathi Burns: Yeah, absolutely. Something new. Something new is and it also helps you really learn to embrace change and actually be proactive about the changes that you're doing in your life. So it's proactive changing, which I think is really important for us. Cuz change happens all the time. So why not just, take the bull by the horns and change into what we wanna do, which for me right now is celebration. Yeah. So there's so many women that might be listening to this that are considering they've either left their job or they're considering leaving their job. What advice would you give them, Emmi that you would say, you made a big leap. What would be your best piece of advice for them if they're thinking about making that?
[00:16:17] Emmi Fortin: I think something you and I are talking about before we started recording is it's if you can, so helpful to try to plan your exit. I personally did have somewhat of a plan so that I would be able to give my new business a year without having to worry at all about my success or finances and just allow myself to be creative and try and learn and explore. So I had a plan for that. You were telling me that you help women plan for things like finances, even when it comes down to what stuff you're gonna bring with you to the next place, or the next relationship, or the next job, whatever.
I think giving that a little bit of consideration can give you huge understanding and clarity. So the planning piece was a big part for me. And in relation to breakups, when I did the final like breakup with that guy, I did have a plan. Like I told myself I was gonna do so much personal development before my next relationship so that when I met someone, I would be fully available to be able to create a healthy, meaningful relationship and not just be repeating all of my past patterns. Yeah. So again, that was planning right?
[00:17:35] Kathi Burns: Imagine a school teacher without a plan.
[00:17:38] Emmi Fortin: I know you would never ever guess.
[00:17:42] Kathi Burns: But you're gonna have a plan, Emmi. I shouldn't even ask you that. For those of you out there listening, this is an important, this is important stuff, plan your exit strategy. Plan how you're gonna launch whenever you're ready to start a business. Get your ducks in order, so to speak. And for me, plan, plan what you're going to, what is your day gonna look like? How are you going to manage yourself? Because I find people that are leaving a corporate environment or a school or education environment, they have a routine.
And when you get out on your own, there's no routine sitting there and there's no office set up properly. There's not that stuff. There's not the bone, so to speak, for your business. So planning is so very important. I'm glad you brought that up. Of course, you're talking my talk.
[00:18:21] Emmi Fortin: I couldn't agree more. I'll say though, even though I wa like I am a very structured person, added being a teacher literally every minute is planned out for you in the day. I am a good planner and an organizer, but it still has been a little bit of a struggle with, remaining consistent and being like, okay.
So I think I've gotten a little bit better with that and thinking about what things do I wanna do on what days, okay, I'm gonna have the majority of my calls on like Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I'm gonna leave Monday and Friday for creativity and content and, interviews and things like that. Having a little bit more structure around when I wanna do things has been helpful too.
[00:18:56] Kathi Burns: Perfect. That leads me into my next question. What's your favorite organizing device or tactic? I love the fact, by the way, that you're grouping your calls and you're setting bookends for being organized in content creation. That's perfect. But do you have any other an organizing device or tactic that you rely upon that really supports you?
[00:19:15] Emmi Fortin: My device is a pen and paper. Like I love my planner because as we were talking about in the beginning I was, I felt like I was doing so much stuff, but then I would never see my accomplishments, it would just be like I know I was doing stuff this week, but had no clear idea of what those things were. So I actually really enjoy, I make a little box and then I write a thing next to it, and then when I do it, I get to check it off. And then, at the end of the week you can look and see how full every single day was, and you can better reflect on what you accomplished throughout your day and throughout the week.
[00:19:50] Kathi Burns: Which allows you to celebrate. Cause, I've been doing the checkbox thing too, as a writer I'm also a paper and pin person, I keep it in one notebook, my to-dos, and it feels great just to go like that. Check, check, check. So good. It's an excellent excellent system for some people. And some people wanna do it digitally, but, everybody's different. And that's the beauty of the world. Let's see. If you could turn back time and talk to your 18 year old self, what would you tell that little girl right now? Or I guess she'd be a sparring woman at that point, at 18.
[00:20:21] Emmi Fortin: Oh man. I would tell her. Here, do all of these reflection exercises before you go off and start getting into relationships. Honestly having worked with high school students, I've thought about this a lot because this is when all of your, romantic relationships start. Some people start in high school, but a lot of people, their relationships start in either high school or right when they get to college. And Sometimes those relationships can really impact the direction your relationship life goes. And so I would love to go back to my younger self and would love to help young people, women and men nowadays to really do some inner work to get clear about what it is that they want and then to set boundaries around that.
And then how do you have the confidence and self-worth to maintain those boundaries. And it's an ongoing process. One of my missions is just to help people of all ages understand that, Can give yourself permission at any time to take what I call a breakup recovery period, which you just pause. You can pause from your dating, pause from your relationships, reconnect with yourself and ask yourself, am I living in alignment with what I really believe in want? Yeah, I would tell my 18 year old self to periodically do that, like throughout each year. Do a check-in, come back.
[00:21:50] Kathi Burns: That's excellent advice. And I can just see the 18 year old going yeah. But it's so important. Your relationships in college can affect your career path. Your relationships can affect all sorts of things that you do further on and without, and we don't even know that, we don't even realize that when we're, when we're younger. So that's good advice.
Okay. I know that you have something that you wanna provide for the listeners. What is it that they can download from.
[00:22:16] Emmi Fortin: Yes, it'll help you get organized in your relationship with life. Call it my relationship cheat sheet. And it's got four neat little quadrants where you can, helps you to assess what not only what you want in your life, but also to use it as a mirror to reflect back on yourself and say, am I where I need to be in order to attract the kind of partnership that I want?
So you can use it as, like a double exercise. So that is at Emmi Fortin, my name, emmifortin.com/whoIhelp and it's a free download relationship cheat sheet. Helps you get clear.
[00:22:48] Kathi Burns: I love it. And for those of you who are on the site or whatever you're listening to, there'll be a link below and you can just click on there and get your download from Emmi. And this is fantastic. I think it's so important that we learn how to discontinue the relationships that aren't good for us. And you are a master at that. And I encourage any of you who are looking at a breakup of whatever, could be a business partner. It could be, whatever it is, and make sure that the breakup works for you and not against you because it's the stuff you don't wanna be holding that right. And you be hold paying it forward to yourself if the relationship wasn't ended the way that you needed it to end. So thank you. Is there anything else that I should have asked you that we haven't talked about?
[00:23:33] Emmi Fortin: I was thinking about that and basically the question I think is really important is how can we feel organized and energized in our relationships. And so that's it's what you and I have been talking about and I do believe that it's really reconnecting with yourself and really figuring out what makes you feel alive and what brings you joy. Because a lot of times we'll rely on other people to do that for us, whether it's friends, family, romantic people.
And it all comes back to you knowing where does your life force get ignited? And that's gonna allow you to attract all the kinds of people into your life. Business opportunities, friends, I've got people in my breakup support group who come and you think we're gonna talk about romantic relationships, but they're like, I need to break up with this friend.
Or I need to break up with like my sister, and I think definitely knowing what fuels you is one of the most important things. So if you feel lost, which a lot of people say after a breakup of any kind , how do you find yourself, it's reconnecting with that inner flame, if you will.
[00:24:38] Kathi Burns: Yeah, that's really good. What fuels you and then what zaps you? I find that sometimes I find myself putting people in what I call timeout. It's like I'm not really breaking up with them. I'm putting 'em time out until something can shift energetically in the relationship. So yeah, I think that's really good. And if the person is not fueling you, then time out or break up whatever. Whatever floats your boat.
[00:25:02] Emmi Fortin: Yeah. I love that idea. You're in a timeout. You don't even have to tell them necessarily, but.
[00:25:07] Kathi Burns: No. Yeah. Hey, you don't have to, it's like in, in my mind, they're in recess. You'd appreciate that as a teacher. Put 'em in timeout. Sit 'em in the corner over. Thank you so much. I hope that you folks at listening have have been inspired to move forward and up any relationship that's not serving you. And make sure to download Emmi's a wonderful download in the cheat sheet. I like the four quadrants idea. I'm gonna download it and see what's up with that. But thank you Emmi. I really appreciate your time and it's such a joy to have you on the show.
[00:25:37] Emmi Fortin: Thank you, Kathi. I've had a great conversation with you today.
[00:25:40] Kathi Burns: Absolutely signing off Till next week, gang.
Hey, thanks for listening to this podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you want to hear more, feel free to subscribe on the platform of your choice. Also, if you feel so inclined, I would truly appreciate a good rating from you to me. Have a stellar day.